11 posts tagged bodies of work

Kortney: Hi.

Morty: Hey!

Kortney: How are you?

Morty: I’m wonderful, and you?

Kortney: Excellent.

Morty: So, I wanted to first ask you about your film, Still Black.

Kortney: Sounds good.

Morty: What got you interested in making Still Black?

Kortney: I wanted to make the film because there was, and continues to be, a dearth of trans representation that deals with black bodies. Still Black was produced in 2008.  Around that time there began to be a boom of trans narratives making their way into both mainstream and indie media but they centered on the experiences of white folks. I wanted to hear other perspectives. I was 27 years old when I began production on the project and it was a moment in my life where I was moving away from the “genderqueer” identity and becoming more comfortable with my trans ID. So there was also a personal reason I wanted to make the film.

Morty: How did you go about finding the men for the film?

Kortney:  I was living in Chicago at the time and put the word out through queer organizations in the city. I also ran a very popular blog at the time called blac(k)ademic, which helped to publicize my call for participants. I had no problem finding willing subjects as I was flooded with emails and phone calls from men who desired to participate. Word of mouth also helped a lot.

Morty: I really enjoy the different perspectives in the film - did you go about looking at each story in the way they blended together?

Kortney: I wanted to bring a diversity of voices into the picture. I wanted to make it very clear that although as black men we share similar experiences navigating the world, at the same time, our experiences are very unique and important. I think as a filmmaker producing images of blackness it is very important for me to avoid monolithic narratives of identity.

Morty: I’m curious what the men in the film thought of the movie

Kortney: They loved it and continue to be very grateful for the opportunity. When beginning the project, one of the players, Ethan Young, emphasized how timely and important the project was. This was left out of the final film, but to express his support of the film, he got the title tattooed on the back of his head.

Morty: Wow! I love that!

Kortney: Yes, it was amazing. We both eventually got tattoos that night.

Morty: So, now it’s 2012. How far do you think we’ve come in shedding more light on trans people of color? Both in the mainstream media and beyond?

Kortney: I think things are moving along—much slower than I would like, of course. However, I am grateful for the many folks who are really doing the work of making trans folks of color visible. Whether that be through the simple platform of YouTube or big film projects.

Morty: You’re seeing a lot of visibility on Youtube?

Kortney: Actually, for trans folks of color, YouTube is a very powerful space.

Morty: I want to talk more with you about new media in a minute. Getting back to your film – you have screened it in dozens of festivals and universities, as well as won a few awards. What has this experience done for you?

Kortney: It has done so many things. Mainly it has only proven what I already knew: that there is an urgency and desire for audiences of all types to know alternative black stories; to be introduced to an image of black men that they are not used to. I also think that the film has helped me to grow as an image maker. As you know, being an artist makes you so vulnerable to public critique and having the film travel to so many places and interpreted by so many people has made me so much wiser.

Morty: Has it opened other possibilities for you as an artist?

Kortney: It’s been really helpful in terms of my work as a scholar. I’ve been able to be seen as an “expert” in my field in a way that traditional academic work cannot do.

Morty: What are your fields in academia?

Kortney: African American studies and Performance studies. The film has made an important intervention in both considering there is but a handful of work aimed at black trans folks in the academy. The film has been able to travel in a way that boring academic papers cannot.

Morty: I agree, depending on the audience.  Black trans history in academia is not well publicized - can you discuss with me some basics?

Kortney: Basics as in..?

Morty: Those in academia working on black trans academic work?

Kortney: I know that Enoch Page has done some sociological work on the black transgender experience and produced an article. Also, my mentor, E. Patrick Johnson in his book Sweet Tea, interviews a black transwoman. But there is little to any academic attention given to us. I think it is because the field of African American studies has been concerned with a revisionist history that attempts to return humanity to black individuals but does so in a way that promotes black respectability—or a conservative way of looking at blackness. Many scholars who do work on queer identity have a hard time introducing scholarship that goes beyond what the field is used to—gay/lesbian or straight. While in my department in Northwestern, I was working with top scholars who, though might have some understanding of gender theory, were blown away with the idea that one could transition.

Morty: The conservative nature of African American studies is an impediment to discussing trans anything?

Kortney: In my opinion, scholars of the field truly struggle with incorporating trans theory in their work. To be clear, I say this not to imply that black folks are more homophobic/transphobic. In terms of the academy, the field of African American studies and its politics of respectability continue to marginalize the experiences of queer individuals, especially those who are trans. It’s taboo, still, in 2012.

Morty: Do you feel a part of your work is to combat this?

Kortney: Yes, of course. Being who I am as a person has made it difficult navigating through a field that excludes my experience. I find it an obligation to challenge this and to encourage others to think beyond themselves. I want the field of AFAM to “catch up” to other disciplines that include heavy gender/sexuality/race analysis.

Morty: You hold a PhD from Northwestern. Have you or are you going to be professing?

Kortney: I’ve decided that being a professor in the academy is not the path I want to take. I want to be able to fully commit to my artistic practice and going through the stress of applying to and suffering through the academic job market is so unappealing to me.

Morty: Right.

Kortney: The degrees I have really help people to take my art more seriously. It works very well on that level.

Morty: Let’s talk about your work beyond Still Black. What direction have you gone since making the film?

Kortney: Post Still Black, I worked on a couple of my own short experimental films. I’ve also began to take photography seriously and had my own show recently here in Oakland. Right now, I’m actually in pre-production of a film with a trans protagonist.

Morty: Wonderful, I’d love to hear more!

Kortney: The film is set in the gritty warehouse district of West Oakland and follows a young black male trans musician and his struggles with dating and love. With the amazing response of the film Pariah and the obvious thirst for black narrative films that introduce black queer identities to mainstream audiences, I know that it is a perfect time more than any to produce this project for the big screen

Morty:How will you go about funding?

Kortney: I plan to follow the same grassroots fundraising as I did with Still Black. This was before Kickstarter and Indigogo were so popular. I solicited funds online to produce Still Black and I hope to go the same way with PASSION (the name of the film).

Morty: Please do send me the information when you begin fundraising, so I can help get the word out. I have a stock question I always ask artists and writers: Do you call yourself a “trans artist/filmmaker” or does that feel too limiting?

Kortney: It depends on the context. I get asked a similar question as to whether I call myself a black artist or just an artist, too. I think for all of us with identities on the margin, what we call ourselves depends on what we need at the moment and what political act we want to convey. When the moment arises that I need to identify as trans in relation to my art, I do. But primarily, I call myself an artist in the spaces that will allow me to be just that.

Morty: What advice would you give to young trans artists today?

Kortney: I think it is important to let people know that trans visibility is multifaceted and that every perspective and voice is so important. No matter what the current hot academic trend is, there is no “right” way to be trans, just as there is no “right” way to just be. I think many people forget that.

Morty: Since you’ve seen the need to shed more light on black trans voices what can we do to accomplish this?

Kortney: We all need to actively do our research. I think for many people, they want the stories and narratives to find them. But that’s not the reality of our world. Yes, there are lots of black trans folks telling stories on Youtube but unless you look for it maybe you won’t know. I just think we all need to be more responsible and seek out what we don’t know or think doesn’t exist.

Morty: Is it possible, in your opinion, to build a strong community online?

Kortney: For sure. I’m 31 and have spent the majority of my life online. I know that had I not encountered the many voices of young black transguys on YouTube 5 years ago I probably wouldn’t be sitting here being interviewed by you. Online community building has changed my life for the better

Morty: With regard to doing our research, I’m really interested in a list of black trans art, literature and culture that has inspired you, including Youtube accounts you like.

Kortney: There is the work of brooklyn boihood, which I really respect. Also, Black Transmen Inc. is a new organization doing an important job of connecting folks with resources. Though they are not an arts organization, they are dedicated to showcasing the work of black trans individuals in all capacities. One cat who has inspired me so deeply is a young man much younger than myself who has a very popular YouTube following, his name on the site is Laidbaqq. He made an artistic video about his identity and it continues to move and remind me of why I chose to transition. I am a fan of his.

Morty: How about black transfemale artists, writers or Youtubers?

Kortney: I am in love with Diamond Stylz—another YouTube personality but she does comic videos and serious videos and all kinds of videos. I also appreciate the work of Monica Roberts - not a fiction writer but she keeps more mainstream audiences aware of black trans folks through her online publications.

Morty: Yeah, I read Transgriot, her blog. How about movies?

Kortney: The film UPeople came out around the same time Still Black was out. I respect that they included Ignacio and Tiq. I really love that one.

Morty: Any others?

Kortney: Not that I know of. Ignacio has made some work I like but I haven’t seen much else.

Morty:Hopefully this little interview will light some fires of inspiration.

Kortney: Hopefully! Because I wanna see and read more!

Morty: Yes! I do too.

Kortney: Word. Thanks again, Morty. Have a good night.

Morty: You too! Thank you so much for the interview.

For more information about the movie Still Black and other work by Kortney Ryan Zeigler please visit the following links: 

http://www.kortneyrziegler.net/

Trailer for Still Black

Morty: Hi Arden. Are you ready to chat?

Arden: Sure!

Morty: My first question has to do with your work…how did you decide writing would be the thing you would dedicate yourself to. 

Arden: I fought the idea of being a writer at first. This might have been in part because I thought I was going to be a medical doctor (like a dermatologist or something)  

Morty: Really!

Arden: Yup. The gender neutrality of “Doctor” also might have appealed to me on a subconscious level.Eventually, I realized that in any career I thought of for myself, I saw myself writing. I realized what a large space writing had in my passions. It was just bigger than a lot of my other life ideas.  I actually never took creative writing classes in college although I did write a chapbook of poems for an independent study and again for my undergraduate thesis.  I quickly dropped the pre med major. I didn’t like the science classes or blood and guts.

Morty: And now you’re in a PhD program?

Arden: Yes, out on the prairie.  I got my Masters of Fine Arts in poetry from Hollins University but, because I still like the critical components of writing, I decided to pursue a PhD.

Morty: Have you always had an interest in writing?

Arden: The signs were there before I made the switch in school. In my advanced biology class in high school I wrote a paper that focused on the stereotype of the “evil albino” in literature and culture. I think I titled it the social consequences of albinism or something “very scientific”.  I’ve always written poetry. Eventually I branched out into creative non fiction and fiction..and erotica. Poetry is what I’m working on the most in my PhD program.

Morty: Because you’re getting a Phd, does that mean you want to teach? 

Arden: Absolutely.  I’m currently teaching in addition to taking classes, so that’s a tough load.  I’m looking forward to teaching at the college level after I graduate. Teaching writing while I am writing feel very complementary to me.  Having enough time to be the kind of teacher I want to be and still produce, publish, and keep up with the work of other writers can be tricky but I’m learning.  I have and have had many great teachers as mentors.

Morty: Poetry can be very hard for people - what do you say to those who find poetry hard to “get”?

Arden: There might be multiple meanings behind a poem. Also, the language can just be delicious on the tongue… I think in my own poems I try to tie language and imagery to some element of narrative.

Morty: Yeah, I see that in a lot of your work.

Arden: There is still poetry I don’t get. Sometimes this does prevent me from enjoying the poem.

Morty: Well, I love poetry. I tend to enjoy the more narrative stuff.

Arden: Yeah, I love hearing a story.

Morty: Some of your work focuses on disability. Can you talk to me about that?

Arden: I write from the perspective of a bi-polar person. This has connected me to other kinds of disability and crip communities. I also tend to have crip lovers and write about relationships so disability appears in that approach as well. Recently, I’ve been focusing on formal poetry (sonnets and sestinas mostly) about disability. There is an appealing connection there between human form and poetic form. Some of my poems are explicitly about disability but even the ones that are not are filtered through my experiences of disability. It works the same way with gender and sexuality in my work as well.

Morty: Right, which brings us to some of my questions about gender.

Arden: Dun dun dun!

Morty: Ha ha! Yes! First, how do you identify regarding gender?

Arden: I primarily identify as “genderqueer.” I also use “transgender.” Sometimes to keep it simple (or try to) I use “FTM” but then I get really caught up in qualifying. I also identify as a femme. In terms of pronouns, I prefer “ze” and “hir” but function primarily with “he” and “him.” Pronouns stress me out a little when I’m writing my bio.

Morty: When did you begin to identify as such?

Arden: I had the ideas as a kid and started finding words in college.

Morty: Since this is a magazine about gender variant and trans artists/writers I always ask “Do you identify as a “genderqueer writer”? Or “trans writer”? Or does that feel way too limiting?

Arden: It doesn’t feel limiting. Gender is an important part of what I write about and also a huge piece of myself as a writer. I’ve been heavily influenced by strong women writers which I think is a direct result of having been raised as a girl. My 9’th grade English teacher called me her little Sylvia (Plath).  I’ve cheered up some. I think being trans has also helped expose me to the work of trans poets like Ely Shipley, Stacey Waite, and Trish Salah. I don’t think being a trans or a genderqueer poet means that my work is not relevant to cispeople or to the larger communities of writing.

Morty: Have you found a trans/queer poetry community?

Arden: I’m a little isolated out here in Nebraska but I’m still connected to a writing community in Boston. When I lived there Toni Amato, who runs Write Here Write Now, played a large role in connecting me and other writers to community as well as connecting writers to their craft. Google and Facebook are good starts for finding trans poets and also asking other trans poets who they are reading. Often times the people listening to and reading poetry are also writing.

Morty: Regarding building community - how would you recommend artists and writers start that process? I’m curious as to how others, including yourself, might help out the newer generation of young trans writers? 

Arden: I don’t think I am part of the older generation.  I haven’t had enough history yet with my own identity and I’m still emerging in terms of publications.  I’m not sure how much has to do with age.  I’m 32 but am frequently read as a high school student despite the smattering of grey in my hair (thanks grad school). I am pretty familiar with the application process in terms of graduate programs in writing.  This can be particular daunting for young writers (I think especially genderqueer and trans writers) because of all the little boxes and past history complications.  The fact that I went to a women’s college used to make me very nervous in terms of applications and resumes but it has been ok.  I’m much better qualified to talk about entering academia than how to promote a novel.

Personally, I turn to writers who have published books, or who have taught writing, for advice.  I also point younger writers to writing contests and relevant journals. Facebook has been really useful in connecting with all sorts of folks.  People can post and re-post calls for submissions which, I think, has increased the amount of exposure trans and genderqueer work receives.

Going to writing events like conferences and readings is also helpful.  Some of them are more costly than others. If a person has a couch in a city where there is a writing conference then perhaps someone can offer that sleep space to a young writer, who might find their path to attending the conference a little easier. We all have things we want or need and we all have things we can do or give.  Money is not the only thing of value.  More seasoned writers can read the work of emerging writers and offer feedback. Younger writers have an incredible amount of enthusiasm and immediacy so the benefits of an established writer working with an emerging one are not one sided.  

I also recommend that writers selling chapbooks and such to set aside a certain amount of books to be given to writers who otherwise would not be able to get them.  

Morty: I want to go back to asking you about your work. What prompted the foray into erotic stories?

Arden: I had a really positive experience reading an erotic piece in a writing workshop. I sent it out, it got accepted, and I’ve been writing erotica ever since. I actually really like to read it out loud too. I’m more unselfconscious reading my erotica than my poetry out loud. I’m more of a page poet than a stage poet

Morty: What is your piece about in the trans/genderqueer erotica book Take Me There?

Arden: It’s about a boy who first appeared to me in a poem. Ze is “out on loan” to a femme mistress. It’s hot and it has a bit of tenderness to it too.

Morty: Hmm, based on someone real?

Arden: Bits and pieces… Most of my poems as well as my erotica stories are in the first person. This can be sort of funny depending on what kind of literary voice I’m using.

Morty: You’ve published a lot of your work in literary magazines and you are one of the poetry editors of the journal Breath and Shadow. What advice would you give for those looking to publish their work?

Arden: Writing can be a really private, sometimes isolating practice. I’d advise writers to find other writers to share work with. Being a part of writing groups has helped me get my work to a publishable state. The moral support is a big plus too because there are going to be many rejection letters. Just keep trying and be smart about where the work is being sent. Pay attention to what writers or what style of writing is being published by a magazine to see if your writing would be a good fit. Calls for submissions can be a great way to find magazines and anthologies that are looking for work on specific subjects. Also, for writers who are more established, help the newer folks out by building connections and community.

Morty: Wonderful, those are great ideas.How did it come about that you became a Lambda Literary Fellow?

Arden: I believe Charles Flowers told me about the program at an AWP (Association of Writers and Writing Programs) conference but it might have also been at the Saint’s and Sinners writing conference down in New Orleans.  I applied, got in, and had amazing support from Lambda and people in the community.  I really enjoyed the people I met there and the time to focus on writing in such a queer environment.  At some point I’d like to go back for fiction or creative non-fiction.

Morty: It seems the main advice to give to queer and trans writers reading this is: apply and submit, you may just get in! What do you have planned for yourself in the coming year other than being in school?

Arden: Hehe, so I won’t say homework! Well, I need to send out more work. I also need to read more.

Morty: Anything else?

Arden: Well, I need to go running too!

Morty: Yeah, I have exercise in my to do list, too…

Arden: I have an essay I’ve been picking at for awhile now and I’d really like to place it somewhere. I need to follow the advice I gave and send out work because that’s a crucial step in the publishing.  In about a week I’m headed down to Louisiana where I grew up.  I’ve been writing more about race and identity especially in regards to family and adoption.  I might pull a “ding dong you’ve got my chromosomes” approach to meeting my biological family.  It should be a pretty intense trip but I’ll take notes and I’m sure that whatever comes out of it will appear in my writing.  Sometimes knowing that something scary will prove useful to my writing helps me get past my fear.

To read work and find out more about Arden Eli Hill please visit the following links: 

No Name Reading Series Podcast - Arden comes in at the end of minute 13. 

Wordgathering.com

Breath and Shadow - Journal of Disability Culture and Lit

Willow Springs Literary Journal

Take Me There - Book of Trans and Genderqueer Erotica 

Morty: When did you start your career as a writer and what got you interested in writing? 

Jody: I was never interested in writing until my senior year in college.  I was a Political Science/Women’s Studies major and I saved all of my electives for my last semester. I was taking two creative writing classes and something just clicked.  Before I knew it, I had made up my mind to apply to graduate schools in English.  Seven years later, I had my MA in English and my MFA in Creative Writing and I’ve been teaching writing and English classes ever since.  

Morty: Do you consider yourself a “trans writer” or does that feel too limiting? Does it bother you when people discuss your work and call you a “trans writer”?

Jody: I don’t really care about labels. Sure, we need them, and sure they make us feel safe and in control, but what really matters is how the work affects the reader. What does it make the reader think about?  What does it make the reader feel?  What does it make the reader see about herself/himself?  I really try not to get caught up in labels, because they’re constructs.  

Morty: What is your idea of success when it comes to your writing?

Jody: I used to have a very different idea of what being a successful writer was when I was younger.  I thought I had to get published in order to be successful, so I sent my work out all the time and thought I was successful because I was getting published.  But a funny thing happened while I sent my work out.  I chose poems and stories that “fit” the publication’s message and audience, and something didn’t feel right about this. I placed in a finalist round of a very difficult contest to place in (there were over 2000 entries for this book publication contest) and didn’t win because of the subject matter of my book. The letter from the writing contest said it was between my manuscript and one other manuscript, and that mine wasn’t chosen because their readers weren’t ready for a voice like mine (meaning a trans voice). I decided right then and there to self-publish my book and 6 months later, I did.  After that, I stopped sending my work out unless I really felt the energy of the magazine.  Right now, success to me means being true to my art and being honest with myself when I write. Not fearing reactions or tailoring a piece to fit into a prestigious publication. Writing for myself and not for anyone else.

Morty: You have been published in many publications; can you give the readers some pointers on how to get published?

Jody: Well, if you choose to stay true to your art and to yourself then keep submitting and don’t ever take rejection letters personally. Usually, you have no idea why a place didn’t accept your work. It could be any number of reasons and there’s no use in trying to figure it out. Everybody has their own opinion, there are political, economic, and social agendas to contend with, too. If you get handwritten comments, that’s a good sign to continue submitting your work, although we’re moving more and more to electronic submissions now, so if you get any comments at all, keep submitting.  Also, I would highly recommend reading the publication first to get a feel for their work, for their mission, and to see if you even want to be part of their publication.  And of course, follow all the guidelines and proofread your work very carefully.  

Morty: This is a somewhat strange question, but I’m curious if being trans has affected your career as a writing instructor at all? 

Jody: You know, I don’t think about it that much.  I don’t really care.  Here’s something funny.  When I first started teaching, I was hired to teach on a marine base looking like the biggest bull dyke lesbian you’ve ever seen. And, I was hired by a nun!   Eventually, I took a leave of absence and went on hormones and got my breasts removed.  I came back to the same school as “Mr.” and nobody cared.  I even had repeat students.  I’ve never made a big deal about who I am or apologized about who I am. For me, it’s a matter of fact thing, and I’ve slipped it into sentences before, like it’s common knowledge: “Oh, and I also changed my gender…” to people who don’t know yet, but who I want to tell.  As far as teaching goes, well, I’ve been known to show Hedwig and The Angry Inch to my students, and that’s about finding yourself, and misplaced identity due to circumstances beyond your control— and, coming full circle, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing!

Morty: You utilize the technology of ebooks to sell your work. Can you tell me how this model has been successful for you? 

Jody: I write ebooks because they’re easily accessible, save paper, and can be sent worldwide.  There’s nothing to store and I send everything personally.  I’ve emailed my ebooks to many countries including Australia, France, England, Ireland, South Africa, Sweden, Poland, and all across the United States.  If someone sends me an email saying he/she can’t afford to buy it, I email it for free. For me, ebooks give me complete freedom.  I choose to give what I want away.  I can send them anywhere.  I have 100% creative control.  And there are no shipping costs. Also, they’re easy to share. I don’t mind if people share my work— I’m not attached to it.  My goal has always been to teach and share and give.  This is what I’m supposed to do— this is my life’s purpose and ebooks make this so much easier.  They were the perfect solution for my monthly money for surgery giveaways, too because of the reasons mentioned above.

Morty: I have read your book of poetry Places Male and Female, and thoroughly enjoyed it! Many, if not all, of the poems in this book are about being trans which leads me to ask how much does being trans affect your work? 

Jody: My book Places Male and Female took me over 10 years to write. I must have written over 200 possible poems for that book and chose about 60 to include in it. After finishing this book, I felt a deep sense of relief because I wrote about my transition from many different angles.  I remember this one poem I wrote about
my dick— it was terrible!  The word choice was weak, the metaphors clashed, and the poem made absolutely no sense— even to me!  But it was necessary to get out my feelings about not having a genetic dick on paper.  So, in the beginning, being trans really affected my work.  From there I moved on and wrote poems based on photos that were hidden during World War II by Jewish Freedom Fighters. I took the focus off myself, but there are still elements of what’s perceived as “alternative lifestyles” hidden in some of my poetry. One photo that is particularly haunting shows two boys standing near a pond. One has very feminine energy, so I imagined both boys swimming together, desiring each other but still talking about the girls they pretended to like.  The last lines of the poem read: “and finally, his friend’s arms around his waist,/ his lips on his ear; /then, the unbearable lightness of their bodies, /as they sink further and further down into the water.”  This poem isn’t about being trans; this is about sexuality, and the different desires we have regardless of gender. This relates to my experience as being someone who’s changed and immersed still, in the gay, lesbian, bi, trans. communities. 

Morty: Can you tell me about your new book But How Did They Live? 

Jody: This book is based on a book of photographs called The Last Album that my friend Ann Weiss published.  This is from the inner jacket of her book: ”These photographs were not supposed to be seen… In October of 1986 ….Ann Weiss entered a locked room at Auschwitz and came across an archive of over 2,400 photographs brought to the camp by Jewish deportees…The photos, both candid snapshots and studied portraits, had been confiscated but,
instead of being destroyed, they were hidden at great risk, and saved.  In many cases, these pictures are the only remnants left of entire families.” I found this book at Barnes and Noble and in the store as I was reading it, I was inspired to write a book of poems called But How Did They Live?, that focused on living.  This is a subject that’s very close to my heart because I’m Jewish, and many of my relatives either escaped or were murdered during this time.  I wrote some poems and then contacted Ann, who I brought to Hawaii to speak to my students. I’m still writing this book and I have no idea when it will be finished.  The photos are haunting and I’ll just stare and stare at one until I get an inspiration. And then the poem begins.

Morty: You also wrote a book called The FTM Sex Guide. What was the impetus to write this book? 

Jody: I was looking for a book about sex for FTM guys and found a bunch of nonsense written by non-FTM people.  I remember answering questions in the 90’s given to me by my psychologist about sex: “Do I like women or men?”  “What do I think about when I masturbate?”, “Will I get the bottom surgery so I can have a penis?”, “How will I use my penis?” In those days, they wanted to make sure you were straight before giving you a letter. I must have answered over 200 questions!  I still remember sitting there with my pencil, circling the answers.  Luckily, I had been corresponding with some guys in SF through letters, yes actual letters, who warned me about this!  Anyway, it was back then that I had the idea to talk about sex openly in relation to our community. Then, many, many years later I was in the shower and this voice said: “Write The FTM Sex Guide, and give money away from the proceeds to help guys with their surgery funds.” So I did it. 

Morty: I’m very interested in how you’ve begun to give money away from the sales of your work to trans folks in need. Why did you begin doing this?

Jody: Well, as I said earlier, it was an inspiration I had in the shower.  It started two years ago when I gave $500 away to a guy from the sales of The FTM Sex Guide.  That giveaway was a drawing.  I’m on a mission now to do this regularly. I’m calling surgeons to see if they want to give surgery credits, too.  I’m also calling all of the people I know in the community who are in a position to donate money to help with this cause.  If anyone reading this interview wants to help with either donating their time or donating funds, please contact me at jhrose22@hotmail.com.

Morty: What are the guidelines to get funds from you?

The guidelines change monthly.  This month you must have your surgeon chosen and be $500 away from your surgery goal. My idea here is to pay the surgeon directly.  Next month, I’m going to do a simple drawing out of a hat in front of a notary at the bank.  May’s guidelines will, more than likely, come to me either in the shower, in a dream or during a meditation.  

Morty: Do you plan on doing these giveaways for a long time or is this a limited time?

There’s no end date in site.  My website has all of the information: www.theftmsexguide.com. If you qualify, please enter.  And please spread the word, too.  I’m a one-man show right now and any help is greatly appreciated.  Thank you!

Morty: Wonderful! 

Please visit Jody’s website at: http://www.jodyrosehelfand.com

  by Chase Ryan Joynt

I propose an evolutionary and foundational shift in the way that we are currently thinking and talking about our genitals. My intention in this writing is to explode genital talk out of the many gendered cracks and crevices in which it is currently housed.  I want to re-contextualize current musings regarding our parts and in doing so, propose a necessary reclamation of self and a crucial quest for pleasure.

But how do we create a genital revolution when current social conversation regarding gendered genitalia exists solely to realign, repackage and rename us? When we are surrounded by musings about what we ‘should’ have, what we ‘don‘t’ have and what we ‘might’ have it becomes increasingly complicated to even find our truths let alone live them. We exist in a world where overly simplistic conclusions are made about our lives and our identities based solely on the detailing of our genitals … so if we are to have any chance of rewriting these gendered scripts, we need to create new ways of thinking.

Let’s look at the facts: we have penises, vaginas, sperm, eggs, testosterone and estrogen. Some of us own variations and amalgamations of these components and all of us carry (in addition to some chromosomes and DNA) an ultimately personalized combination of each. What is both comforting and simultaneously fracturing about the reality of these combinations is that even though we are dealing with very similar foundational parts, we remain unable to get past the variations and designs of our packaging. Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.

For the purposes of this conversation, I suggest that we attempt to strip the packaging and more specifically the marketing around gendered genitals and get back to talking about the basic parts. Should there be any confusion about the current state of gendered marketing around us, one needn’t look further than the pressure for ‘women’ to procreate and the celebration of a ‘man’s’ sizable birth given penis. If pleasure organs are the parts and gendered genitals are the package, we need to take everything out of the figuratively constricting box and redesign it completely. We need to embark upon a quest for pleasure and must not sacrifice and/or ignore it for the sake of more accurate branding. Risking inadequate sexual functioning based on aesthetics cannot be our welcome community standard. We need to put the pleasure back in our politics and keep the politics out of our pants for long enough to get what we want.

For those of us who identify as being “in transition”, re-packaging and branding our bodies can frequently become the focal point and measuring stick of success. It is not uncommon to spend so much time on our packaging that our physical parts become shelved indefinitely. This shelf life, and tendency to place embodied desires and needs on the backburner can no longer be the acceptable norm.

Throughout the process of transitioning we are so often pushing to get somewhere (that we aren’t) and to acquire something (that we lack). If we take a step back from this assertion we see two things: ‘we aren’t’ and ‘we lack’. An equation such as this, riddled with unclear goals and undeterminable acquisitions is inevitably going to lead us to disappointment. It is time to examine the place our genitals play in this process and to determine a course of action that allows our parts to play a participatory role in our lives rather than simply a marker of our gendered place.

But before we carve out new space for this genital reclamation, it is imperative that we examine how we arrived in this fractured and ultimately polarized place to begin with. It is no secret that we have traditionally been required to re-assimilate and/or assert interest in polarized gender in order to receive any health or medical care. Unintentionally, this access to care has caused a fracture within our community- we have those who have “passed” and those who have not, either by choice or circumstance. Some posit that the increased social acceptance experienced by some “passing” post-assignment trans folk is putting undue pressure on the rest of us to conform to normative types. Most often, any sort of conformity is perceived (by default) to reinforce everything we have been attempting to dismantle.

We must understand that this normative typecasting does not have to be reinforced from within our communities and that normativity is only being demanded by those medical and mental health professionals who lack the knowledge and language to understand and assist.

We must resist the urge to other within our own communities, as creating hierarchies of identity between us only further complicates the unpacking we need to do. We can’t address the fractures between our packages and our parts if we are trying to replicate normative sex structures and roles. After all, such a replication requires that we put our gender/sex back into the categories we often seek to reformulate.

We need to create space for those who want to modify their bodies while honoring those who do not. We need to privilege our pleasure over our parts. We must resist all attempts to prioritize one type of body over another and we must not do to each other what has historically been impressed upon us. I propose that we start thinking about our genitals the way we think about our taste buds.

On average, an adult has between 9,000-10,000 taste buds. Considering the fact that the clitoral glans have at least 8,000 nerve endings, in addition to the penis’ 4,000, this comparison is not outrageous. Like sex, taste is understood to be intrinsically linked to the other senses. I dare say that just as taste is a complicated fusion of smell, taste, touch, texture, and sight, so too is our sense of pleasure and arousal both genitally and beyond.

Our bodies’ physical reactions to taste are not unlike that of our collective genitals. We salivate in preparation for our mouths to taste our favorite food, most certainly not for the food we are told we must eat. Genitalia, like mouths, react when interested in what’s being served, not when forced to eat “the projected” “the assumed” or the “most digestible” fare.

Speaking of “the assumed”, it is common thought that some tastes must be developed over time, and that one must educate their palate in order to appreciate the finer details and more nuanced tastes (think: olives and blue cheese). What if we could think about genitals in these terms? What if our sexual selves can be developed carefully, using ingredients new and old, and recipes that do not replicate but rather create? What if we can rid ourselves of gendered genital assumptions and incorporate true desire and pleasure in their place?

This revolution cannot just include us, what if instead of teaching youth that boys have penises and girls have vaginas, we choose to talk about body function and self care? Understanding that the way you react to food and how you expose your children to it will shape their future reactions to them, why don’t we encourage new generations to explore their genitalia by letting them pick from the menu of tastes and flavors rather than forcing our pre-determined genders upon them.

What if our genitals could have no impact on our gender identity and/or sense of self? What if, like taste buds, we were able to attend to genitals as a strictly de-gendered pleasure project? We need to strip ourselves of our programmed gender inappropriateness and critically engage with what we want and perhaps more importantly how we want to go about getting it.  We need not resign ourselves to an irreparably disembodied sense of sexual self, we cannot remain fractured from our most intrinsic desires and we must not to go hungry forever.

Chase Ryan Joynt is a Toronto-based filmmaker, performer and writer. His latest film Everyday to Stay is showing at festivals throughout Canada, the US and internationally, and has recently been picked up for world-wide distribution with Oracle Releasing. You can find Chase’s most recent writing in the pages of Original Plumbing Magazine, Shameless Magazine and the anthology Letters For My Brothers. When not attempting to explain the aforementioned to his mother, Chase can be found pursuing a PhD in Cinema and Media Studies at York University in Toronto. 

His website is: www.chasejoynt.com

By Koomah 

WITH THOSE WORDS – (FTM) 

Once when she was little, she saw a boy in her own face. She saw him when she stared in the mirror, when she gazed deep into her eyes. She knew he was there, but she didn’t know how or why. Every time she saw him, he was always so happy. She thought he was even a more attractive person than she was. She often wondered if anyone else could see him when they looked into her eyes. She was afraid people would find her strange if she asked and they couldn’t see him, but she wondered if maybe somebody had someone else living inside their eyes too. She told her parents about this boy who was living in her. Her mother told her it was impossible. Her father said it could never happen. This confused her. She was sure he was there, she knew it! Her parents told her not to tell anyone else about it and to keep it to herself, so people wouldn’t think she was crazy. She was sad, but kept it to herself for many years.

When she was in junior high school, she kept quiet. She didn’t speak of the boy that lived inside her. She didn’t really speak at all. When she was upset, she would go into her bedroom or into the bathroom and look into the mirror. She did this so she could see the boy. He was older now, but he still had that same smile. One night, as she sat on her pink bedspread, she thought about how no one could tell her who this boy was or why he was there in her. She wanted to meet him. She wanted ask him who he was. She wanted know him. She wanted to BE him. All of a sudden, her mind went blank. Her last thought made her happy, sad, and scared all at the same time. She wanted to BE him… what did that even mean? Girls couldn’t become boys, could they? She went up to the mirror in her room and glanced briefly into her eyes. There he was staring back at her, smiling. He was always so happy. Why didn’t she ever feel that way? The thought came back to her, if I become him, I will be happy. She considered asking her parents if it was possible for a girl to become a boy… but, she remembered their response to her after she told them there was a boy living inside her. She looked back into the mirror and focused on the boy again. She told him that he only seemed to cause problems for her and to go away and leave her alone. As his image began to fade away she noticed that he was still smiling. She tried to forget about the boy.

For years she fought the urge to look into mirrors every time she passed one. She wondered if the boy was really gone. She secretly hoped he was still there and that, unlike her, he was still happy. Her problem with mirrors was becoming increasingly difficult for her. On the day she moved out of her parent’s house, she got rid of every mirror she owned and made sure there were none in her new apartment. She told herself that she HAD to forget about the idea of a boy living inside her, that it was all nothing more than a childish fantasy or a vivid dream. Her life as an adult was miserable. She didn’t have a social life. She didn’t date. She just went to work, came home, ate, and went to bed. She never smiled and was becoming increasingly more and more depressed. She saw the boy’s smiling face every night in her dreams. Soon, she began denying herself sleep. She didn’t want to be reminded of the boy. Her work began to suffer from her lack of sleep, and she was eventually fired. She couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t live like this anymore. Her whole life was a lie; she wanted nothing more than to be that boy her entire life. Instead of acknowledging it, she denied it and wasted her life being someone she hated.

She wanted to die. That’s what she planned to do. She packed all of her belongings into boxes to donate to charity before she killed herself. When they were all packed, she laid a pile of pills onto her kitchen table, and wrote a quick suicide note. She started taking the boxes to her car. The last box was large, bulky, and fairly heavy; it was all of the cd’s she ever owned. Holding onto the box, she tried to open the door with one hand. The box fell out of her arm and she fell with it. She hit the kitchen tile on all fours. The cd’s scattered everywhere and covered her entire kitchen floor. Exhausted, she began to pick up each individual cd, checked to see if it was badly scratched, and put it back into its case. She was about halfway done, when she picked up a cd; while she was checking it for scratches, she saw her reflection. She was surprised; she had never really taken the time to look at her reflection in years. She thought she looked awful. She looked like a woman; and that horrified her. Suddenly, the boy came to her mind. She couldn’t stand it. She stared deep into the reflection of her own eyes in the cd hoping to see the boy. He wasn’t there. She felt like her stomach was rising into her throat. She looked again. She began to say a prayer-like mantra over and over out loud, “Please be there. Oh please, please let him be there…” Her prayer didn’t seem to be working. She felt sick and wanted to disappear. She saw her reflection as tears began to fall down her cheeks. She kept staring at her face’s reflection, and watched it become more and more blurry because of the tears in her eyes. Suddenly she noticed something… it looked like the boy had returned. She could see him staring back at her!

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and excitedly looked into the cd. Again, she only saw her own face with a silly excited grin. She was disappointed and aggravated. She then had a strange thought and wanted to look again. One last time, she focused in on her eyes, staring through her wet eyelashes that were stuck together into points. She thought about the idea of it; it was silly but, she had nothing else to lose. She grinned at her own reflection. It was those eyes, her eyes. They looked for that moment very similar to the boy’s eyes! They looked like his eyes, but, they weren’t his. Similar just wasn’t good enough, she wanted to see him! His eyes! His smile! “I want to be that boy.” she heard herself mutter. She tried to forget about those feelings she had years ago… the feelings where she wanted to be that boy. She knew she should probably try to convince herself that she didn’t really want that… but, she knew she really did. “I want nothing more that to be that boy.” she said again. It made her smile slightly. For a moment, she saw her eyes become his eyes again. Then she understood. Was it really that easy? She stared deep into her eyes again, and she spoke, “No, I don’t want to be that boy in my eyes… I am that guy. I am a man.” This time the boy was not in any eye reflection. There was no boy; there was a man in the whole face. The reflection was the reflection of a man. It was that easy. It had always been that easy. “I am a man.” is all it took, with those simple words, the girl became a man. He became a man. He was a man, he always was. He just never knew how to make himself see it.

WITH THOSE WORDS – (MTF)

Once when he was little, he saw a girl in his own face. He saw her when he stared in the mirror, when he gazed deep into his eyes. He knew she was there, but he didn’t know how or why. Every time he saw her, she was always so happy. He thought she was even a more attractive person than he was. He often wondered if anyone else could see her when they looked into his eyes. He was afraid people would find him strange if he asked and they couldn’t see her, but he wondered if maybe somebody had someone else living inside their eyes too. He told his parents about this girl who was living in him. His mother told him it was impossible. His father said it could never happen. This confused him. He was sure she was there, he knew it! His parents told him not to tell anyone else about it and to keep it to himself, so people wouldn’t think he was crazy. He was sad, but kept it to himself for many years.

When he was in junior high school, he kept quiet. He didn’t speak of the girl that lived inside him. He didn’t really speak at all. When he was upset, he would go into his bedroom or into the bathroom and look into the mirror. He did this so he could see the girl. She was older now, but she still had that same smile. One night, as he sat on his blue bedspread, he thought about how no one could tell him who this girl was or why she was there in him. He wanted to meet her. He wanted ask her who she was. He wanted know her. He wanted to BE her. All of a sudden, his mind went blank. His last thought made him happy, sad, and scared all at the same time. He wanted to BE her… what did that even mean? Boys couldn’t become girls, could they? He went up to the mirror in his room and glanced briefly into his eyes. There she was staring back at him, smiling. She was always so happy. Why didn’t he ever feel that way? The thought came back to him, if I become her, I will be happy. He considered asking his parents if it was possible for a boy to become a girl… but, he remembered their response to him after he told them there was a girl living inside him. He looked back into the mirror and focused on the girl again. He told her that she only seemed to cause problems for him and to go away and leave him alone. As her image began to fade away he noticed that she was still smiling. He tried to forget about the girl.

For years he fought the urge to look into mirrors every time he passed one. He wondered if the girl was really gone. He secretly hoped she was still there and that, unlike him, she was still happy. His problem with mirrors was becoming increasingly difficult for him. On the day he moved out of his parent’s house, he got rid of every mirror he owned and made sure there were none in his new apartment. He told himself that he HAD to forget about the idea of a girl living inside him, that it was all nothing more than a childish fantasy or a vivid dream. His life as an adult was miserable. He didn’t have a social life. He didn’t date. He just went to work, came home, ate, and went to bed. He never smiled and was becoming increasingly more and more depressed. He saw the girl’s smiling face every night in his dreams. Soon, he began denying himself sleep. He didn’t want to be reminded of the girl. His work began to suffer from his lack of sleep, and he was eventually fired. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t live like this anymore. His whole life was a lie; he wanted nothing more than to be that girl his entire life. Instead of acknowledging it, he denied it and wasted his life being someone he hated.

He wanted to die. That’s what he planned to do. He packed all of his belongings into boxes to donate to charity before he killed himself. When they were all packed, he laid a pile of pills onto his kitchen table, and wrote a quick suicide note. He started taking the boxes to his car. The last box was large, bulky, and fairly heavy; it was all of the cd’s he ever owned. Holding onto the box, he tried to open the door with one hand. The box fell out of his arm and he fell with it. He hit the kitchen tile on all fours. The cd’s scattered everywhere and covered his entire kitchen floor. Exhausted, he began to pick up each individual cd, checked to see if it was badly scratched, and put it back into its case. He was about halfway done, when he picked up a cd; while he was checking it for scratches, he saw his reflection. He was surprised; he had never really taken the time to look at his reflection in years. He thought he looked awful. He looked like a man; and that horrified him. Suddenly, the girl came to his mind. He couldn’t stand it. He stared deep into the reflection of his own eyes in the cd hoping to see the girl. She wasn’t there. He felt like his stomach was rising into his throat. He looked again. He began to say a prayer-like mantra over and over out loud, “Please be there. Oh please, please let her be there…” His prayer didn’t seem to be working. He felt sick and wanted to disappear. He saw his reflection as tears began to fall down his cheeks. He kept staring at his face’s reflection, and watched it become more and more blurry because of the tears in his eyes. Suddenly he noticed something… it looked like the girl had returned. He could see her staring back at him!

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and excitedly looked into the cd. Again, he only saw his own face with a silly excited grin. He was disappointed and aggravated. He then had a strange thought and wanted to look again. One last time, he focused in on his eyes, staring through his wet eyelashes that were stuck together into points. He thought about the idea of it; it was silly but, he had nothing else to lose. He grinned at his own reflection. It was those eyes, his eyes. They looked for that moment very similar to the girl’s eyes! They looked like her eyes, but, they weren’t hers. Similar just wasn’t good enough, he wanted to see her! Her eyes! Her smile! “I want to be that girl.” he heard himself mutter. He tried to forget about those feelings he had years ago… the feelings where he wanted to be that girl. He knew he should probably try to convince himself that he didn’t really want that… but, he knew he really did. “I want nothing more that to be that girl.” he said again. It made him smile slightly. For a moment, he saw his eyes become her eyes again. Then he understood. Was it really that easy? He stared deep into his eyes again, and he spoke, “No, I don’t want to be that girl in my eyes… I am that lady. I am a woman.” This time the girl was not in any eye reflection. There was no girl; there was a woman in the whole face. The reflection was the reflection of a woman. It was that easy. It had always been that easy. “I am a woman.” is all it took, with those simple words, the boy became a woman. She became a woman. She was a woman, she always was. She just never knew how to make herself see it.

———————————————————————————————————————-

Bio: Koomah is what would happen if Eddie Izzard and Margaret Cho had a baby: Koomah is an intersex-bodied, genderqueer, trans-human artist, performance artist, filmmaker, writer, and educator in Houston, Texas. Koomah uses art, performance, and prose to highlight issues of gender and sexuality as well as transgender, genderqueer, and intersex issues and identities. Koomah doesn’t have a pronoun preference. Koomah is known for their unique clothing designs and antennae hairstyle. Most importantly, Koomah is happy. Send Koomah some sentences via: ContactKoomah@gmail.com