when i look at my reflection i see an ugly face

looking back at me with sad eyes

my hairline far too high, my beard shadow and adams apple

very unbecoming of a woman

i look at my hands, large and stronger than they need to be

i don’t want to fight anymore, i can’t bear anymore burdens

i shake too much to do a good job painting my nails

i see the stubble of body hair, breasts too small to be curvy

hips too narrow to be shapely, my legs are bruised

i see the vericose viens in my ankles and my oversized feet

i took so many steps in the wrong shoes it hurts to go on

i feel like i am imprisoned within a life that isn’t mine

it goes on and on like a punishment for being alive

i see all this and i know why i’m alone, why i’m afraid to go outside

i am guilty of a self inflicted hate crime

Bio: Rhenaiya Jesson is a 33 yr old male-2-female transsexual currently transitioning in Saskatoon, Sk. Canada. She is a guitarist, writer and artist in general, dabbling in whatever medium happens to inspire.